doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
