i think my tv is drunk
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
