I think my vagina is haunted
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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