We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
