I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
