We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
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College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
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I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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