I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
