Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
