Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
