can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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