We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
