how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
