new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
