Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
