I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
