Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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