Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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