You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
