my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
