I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
