Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
