Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
