I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize