And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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