She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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