So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
