A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
COCAINE IS GR8
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
