my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
