you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
