I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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