Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
