a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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