I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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