we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
