How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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