I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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