didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
