oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
