the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
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Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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