i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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