i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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