I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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