I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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