You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
