Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
