I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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