i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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