did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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