There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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