Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
