return my video game
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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