hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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