all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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