Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
