i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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