and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
