Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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