First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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