he wants to bone in the snuggie
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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